Handwashing and Heated Rivalry

Joanna explains why her hands feel like wet sandpaper. Justin obsesses over Heated Rivalry and becoming a "caked up bowler."

Follow the show on Instagram @mywholepersonalitypod
Produced and edited by Joanna Clark
Theme music by Rebecca Jaffe
Podcast art by Michelle Hong (michelleyhong.com)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I've actually been applying for jobs.

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Um as an audio?

SPEAKER_01 0:02

As like an audio editor. I'm like, I have two weeks of experience, but I need a job.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Come on, be a mixer. Be like a a little audio engineer.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Oh, that was like a DJ?

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Also.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Imagine a worst job for me.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

You would do you would try so hard.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Honestly, I feel like I would need to DJ like well, Meredith Martin.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

I like this one thing, so I made it my whole thing. Now no one wants to talk to me at parties. Please listen to my spiel, cause I made it my whole deal. I made it my whole personality.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Yeah. Hey everyone, welcome back to my whole personality. I'm gonna be honest. I feel like this episode is gonna maybe not get me canceled, but for sure not get me a job uh anytime soon. I was listening back to it, like I was editing it at a coffee shop, and then um was listening to it on my walk back home to record this intro. And I texted Justin and I was like, This is so disgusting. What is wrong with us? And it's we're talking, it's the disgusting stuff happens when we're talking about my topic, which was hand washing. And my God, I texted Justin as soon as I listened to it, and I was like, I'm sorry, why did I intimate that my dental floss basically smells like sewer grates and garbage? I'm so embarrassed. It doesn't for the record, I've floss every day. Um every single day I've floss. And part of that is because I really like impressing the dentist, and another part of it is because I went on a date with a guy one time, and um I got to the date and I texted my friends, and I was like, Oh god, I feel like my mouth tastes like blood. And then I uh never heard from that date again. And he didn't say anything about smelling or tasting blood, but it was then in the back of my mind that like, should I be flossing more often? And ever since then I have. So fuck, I'm doing it again. I feel bad for Justin too. I mean, I'm not gonna pull it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it out. But Justin, I'm so sorry. I feel like people are gonna be really uncomfortable around you moving forward just based on how much you talk about not washing your hands after peeing. I don't know, maybe people are cooler than me, but listening back to this, I was like, I can't believe I Meredith Marks, I can't believe I had you in my home. But Justin and I talk about a couple things. We talk about hand washing, which is my whole personality. And then we talk about heated rivalry, which he has been trying to get me to watch forever, and I'm so glad I did. It is such a good show. I'm definitely not the first person to say it. I came to the show pretty late. But Justin, I was so happy to have him come on and talk about how much he loves it, how he's obsessed with it, how it's inspired him to become an actor. But yeah, this is a fun episode. I do want to say I'm sorry for the audio quality of it. For some reason, I sound like I'm underwater the whole time. I was really excited to try this new setup with Justin, and he sounds great, but I sound terrible. So uh that's me being an ally, I guess. But I sound terrible, which especially sucks because as you all heard in the little opening teaser there, I have been talking about how I've been applying to jobs um that are like editing audio stuff. And this is the worst sounding episode I've ever put out. But I'm not, I mean, I'm not interested in like actually making things sound good. I what I've really enjoyed about this podcast that's kind of surprised me is I really like the editing part of it. Like whenever I have somebody come on, I mean, we'll talk for like two hours. I need to stop doing that because it's we talk for too long, but then I edit it down to like I was doing 30-minute episodes, and I've kind of been getting a little more higher up into like 45s. This one might be around 50. And I don't know, it just scratches a really nice itch for me. Like I'm I get very hyper-fixated on editing the timing and everything. And it's something that I do with my whenever I make little videos uh for Instagram reels or TikTok or anything. I'm I'm obsessed with timing and cutting things together in the funniest way possible. So I really enjoyed it. So if you know anybody who needs a podcast editor, um, let me know. And definitely don't send them this episode, okay? But we're gonna get into it. I'm sorry, Justin, for releasing this, and I'll see y'all next week. Joining me on the podcast again is someone who unfortunately keeps getting my worst topics. But I I I don't know. I didn't I actually didn't mean to pick a bad one for you, but um Justin, you know, from the Katy Perry episode, um truly such a delightful, fun episode. And then he has been, you've been kind of uh harassing me to come on and talk about heated rivalry. Yeah, yeah, no, I don't want to say harassing.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Yeah, harassing.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

No, I don't want to say harassing.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

I've been guiding you, influencing you all to watch heated rivalry because I want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yes. And like to the point where I was like almost like starting to avoid you because I was like, I can't have the wrong answer to this question one more time. Like, because like have you watched yet? And I'd be like, hmm. And so I finally did.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

It's my underlying topic of everything. Everything relates back to heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

What you want to talk about, you want to talk about world politics? I want to talk about heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

World War II. Let's talk about how that impacted Canada.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Come on. Roshane and Ilya, a direct line.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Yeah, so welcome back, Justin.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Thank you so much. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

I'm excited to have you back.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Me too.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Unfortunately for you, so we are gonna talk about my topic a little bit up top, but I wanted to pick something that wasn't we weren't gonna spend too much time on because I do want to spend more time on. Um, door is unlocked. Anybody could walk in. I'm gonna lock it.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Ooh, hot.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

And I'm gonna, this is a good segue. I'm gonna use a sleeve to cover it because we're eating and I didn't want to get my hands dirty.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Okay. So I like that I've made my way from feet to hands, really hitting the phalange.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Yeah, every every every um bone part of my body.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

I really did well, I think it would be inappropriate for me to do anything in between the hands and the feet.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Well, we're doing heated rivalry, which kind of covers the rest of us.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

It does. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

We've got it. We're covered.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

So my topic um that I'm gonna talk about today is hand washing. Because I think it's no surprise to anybody who knows me that I wash my hands a lot.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

I feel like you did target this to me because I am a gross boy.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Well, as I put the cheese down, I thought, I hope he goes to the bathroom and washes his hands.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

I did wash my hands.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

But yeah, I just hand washing is such a huge part of my personality. It is, and I didn't really like I guess I've always known that, but like my hands are bleeding now. Yeah. Um, because I wash them so much. And I kind of noticed, because like I've been trying to do more shows lately. And so like I'm in the green room with other comedians, and every single time I've introduced myself to someone, I've said, like, oh I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand. My hands are wet, I just wash them. I know.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

So I was like, And that's like worse than not washing your hands. Oh, I don't think so. I think I'm I would never shake it. Here's my wet hand.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

But I don't shake I don't shake their hands. Which is rude. It is rude, which is hard because I'm really trying to be um I'm really trying to network and it's not going well.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Feel your hand and then feel my hand.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

That's the problem.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

See, I know it's um mine are like soft and supple, albeit a little calloused, but like layers of skin that can protect me from germs. You got a straight shot right into the the bloodstream with your right.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

You're wearing skin.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

I could put drugs right on my knuckle. Yeah, oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Intravenous.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

I was actually thinking today, I don't even need to do meth anymore.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

You don't need you don't even need a needle. You just need like a one little like prick of the nail shirt in between.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

You talked about this last time.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Math?

SPEAKER_01 8:32

No, putting needles in between your fingers and toes. Why would I have talked about because we talked about feet. But you said that's how people do heroin.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Wow. I know. So think about that a lot.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Because I you were gonna be here in like 30 minutes, and I was like, I guess I'll deep clean the bathroom. And I was like, this is what people is that what people Well, there was this guy who I used to work with um when I was a server, and I think he was on meth. And I remember it was like right before dinner shift opened, he decided to clean all of the drains in the kitchen, and so it smelled like um dirty dental floss and like garbage. Ooh. Um, I'm gonna cut that.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

I well, like I do sure. But I don't want you to think that's what my floss smells like, but I do respect the like a deep clean of the bathroom right before somebody comes over. Absolutely, like respectfully.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Okay, I did that.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

I also do that.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

I actually am really happy to hear that.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Yeah, deep clean, maybe not to your standards, but like it gets a clean.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Do you change your hand towels before people come over?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

No. Okay. I I wash them like when I do the towels, which is maybe once well, actually, I do like shower towels more often than hand towels. Because I don't use hand towels very much at home. I usually, when I wash my hands at home, it's like it's just on your dirty outside pants. Yes. I'm here to just dry them off.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

That makes me nervous. I really don't I get nervous washing my hands at other people's houses, even though I will continually do that. But I always am worried that they're not washing their hand towels as often as they should be. So then it's just like I'm washing my hands, drying them on a hand towel that's been there from like three parties ago.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Your fear is justified.

unknown 10:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

And I'm trying to think of what I do at your home. I feel like you can usually check because like sometimes the hand towels will be like a little crusty and you're like, you've been here for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

Sure. I don't use those ones as much. If we have visitors coming, like to stay the weekend.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

People who you respect. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

If you want to sleep over, I'll get you, I'll get you the cleanest hand towels you've ever had.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

They'll be like steam-dried, everything folded properly. Um, if you're coming for drinks or a party, you might get clean hand towels. You might not. It depends on how quickly I was cleaning.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

I put out a hand towel for you. Oh. But I that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

That's that's so nice. Which one was I supposed to use?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Oh, I hope you didn't use my bath towel.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

I hope I didn't either.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

That does me bring me to another question. Do boys wash their hands after they pee?

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Listen. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay, hear me up. One, this feels like gotcha journalism, and I don't, I don't appreciate it. Put the glasses on. Caitlin Clark from CNN. Come on. Or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

She's saying Caitlin Clark from CNN. Isn't she a basketball player?

SPEAKER_02 11:28

Oh, yes. Who am I thinking of? I'm thinking of Clark. Who is Caitlin Collins? You're not a CNN girl? Yeah. That's okay. Um are you? I try not to pee. I'm really trying to not follow the news. Um, do I wash my hands when I pee? Yes, in public all the time for show. Um at home? No, unless I get a little pee on my hands. But my dick is clean. I wash my dick.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

I just like I was so shocked by that. Because I I I don't know, like I find that strange that that I've worried about this, and so now you've confirmed that boys don't wash their hands after they pee pee.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Pee-pee. Um, I can't speak for all men. I can speak for me. And it's a no. And I do a rinse all the time in public. And before I ever cook food, when I'm cooking food, it is every five seconds. Anytime I touch something, these hands are washed.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Same. It makes it really complicated to cook.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

But when I pee at home, I'm not washing my hands. Unless something goes awry.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Unless you accidentally pee on your hands.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Yeah, which doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

I there's a lot of- I can I can also pee hands-free. I can I can angle I can yeah! I can angle my dick on I can like balance it on my boxers and just fully not touch it. And then just like shake, shake, shake, tuck it back in, and I'm in the clear.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

This brings me to my other question. I really don't understand a lot of how men use the bathroom, and I always thought that men pulled their pink their pants all the way down to their ankles to go pee.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

And so to hear you say that you steam works, they probably do. Oh my god, it's a Chicago gay man's Oh, oh, is that that sushi restaurant we went to? Absolutely not. It is a bathhouse.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Remember when we went to the sushi restaurant for Evan's birthday and you were like, this used to be a sex club?

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Oh, yes. That is different.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

But no, unless you were a toddler, you shouldn't be pulling your pants all the way down around your ankles to pee.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

I guess I didn't realize that you could do it without hands. Have you ever read it?

SPEAKER_02 13:44

There's so many different methods. You could do like like the cigar, you could do like the pencil, you could do Oh, like holding it.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Like holding it. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

You could do like a little cigarette.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

My mom got me a Shiwi one time. What's a Shiwi? It's a funnel that you can stand and pee in, but it's really hard. I think like it I really underestimated how hard it would be to like mentally pee while standing up. Like, I'm not programmed to do that. Like I just felt like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm gonna pee all down my legs.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Do you pee in the shower?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

No, not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Not anymore. What changed?

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Um, I felt like public opinion shifted away from that being okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Oh, but it's your shower for your private time.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

I don't know. I guess I'm really worried about what people think about me.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

In the shower? Hey, hey, look at here. I think it's okay to pee in the shower.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

I think I exclusively I pee in the shower every time. If I have to pee and I know I'm about to shower, I'm just gonna hold it and go pee in the shower. Save water.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

That's true. Um, do you wash your legs with soap?

SPEAKER_02 14:48

I'm getting better at it.

unknown 14:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Every day. A little more.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Um I'm really on like a self-improvement journey, and you know, I heard the critiques of white people don't wash their legs, and I was like, And you're just like peeing down your legs. Um I'm not peeing down my legs, Joe. Do you know how in the shower? It doesn't go down my legs. It goes out away from body.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Even if you're not uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Huh.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

I think that you should watch some like what was sex ed like in Kentucky?

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Because I feel like there should be some knowledge of like how it peas.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

No, there's no knowledge for me. Well, I don't think they would cover that in sex ed.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Well, I mean like anatomy.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Yeah, well, I actually I know it was not good because the oh god, if if any of my family is listening, please stop listening right now. Yeah, this might not be a the first time I gave a hand job. I remember I was like, whoa, it's bent. Oh I always thought that they just straight out at all times.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

No. And they don't. It had a curve.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Well, I think they all do a little bit. Huh? My god, maybe this whole time that I've been wrong. Maybe that maybe it wasn't my problem. Maybe it really was a bent dick.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Yeah, yeah. We got here because you said that we were touching a lot of things before going to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Yeah. That's what, and I don't, I'm gonna redact her name. Sure. My roommate.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

No one knows.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

But like we will sit down at a restaurant and I'll be like, okay, I'm gonna go wash my hands real quick. And then I'll be like, in a cool way, I'll be like, Are you gonna wash yours?

SPEAKER_03 16:30

She'll be like, In a cool way.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

She'll be like, no, I just wash them. And I'll be like, okay. And it's like, she's like, I didn't touch anything on the way here. And I'm like, my God, the door to get out of the house, the door of the Uber, the door of the restaurant, the menu.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

I wash my hands if like I'm gonna put my fingers in my mouth or like in my eyes for contacts. Like that's when I'll like for food, I think my insides are gonna clean that right up. Like my little gut, that's gonna handle anything.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Actually working on not talking so fast because I like blow through my stuff. It's too late. I'll try that next episode.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Yeah, sorry. I feel like I kind of rev up the engines.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

We have a our energy together, is a little chaos.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Yeah. So sorry. But um, I Is it the Celsius? I know on top of the large coffee I had this morning. Yeah. I'm asleep. If if it weren't for caffeine, I'd be asleep 90%. I'd be a koala. I'd be asleep. Did you sleep all the time? I think so. I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

I know they have chlamydia.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Well, just like a koala.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

You are just like a koala. Cool. And just to point out again, you're like, I still don't need to wash.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

I don't gotta wash my hands. I'm not gonna get chlamydia from dirty hands.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

You can also get it from a pigeon. Um, that's syphilis. It's either syphilis or chlamydia you can get from a pigeon. So whenever I walk by a group of pigeons and they're like, you close your eyes when they're like getting all the dust up in the air. And one time I was at a restaurant and I won't say its name because it's still open, but there was um pigeon poop in my chips.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Stop it. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

And I like mentioned it to the server, and she came over and she was like, Wow, that's yeah, that that is pretty weird.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

That is weird. Yeah, that's weird. That's the word I would use for it. That's her trying to cover her own.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

I know, and that's kind of like how I was as a server, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Blacked out. That's weird. Yeah, how's that good there?

SPEAKER_01 18:28

I was not good. Um, but I do think a lot of my problems. This is probably the maybe the thing that I've been building towards this whole time. This has gone on since I was a child, the hand washing thing. Um, I used to patrol the bathrooms in my house while people were using them to make sure that they washed their hands when they left.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Oh do you have siblings?

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

You must have been the favorite sister.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Oh, I was the only sister and I think she had a lot of problems with me. My other sister, or yeah, my sister, my sister was really annoyed by that.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

I could imagine. I'm glad you've grown out of that, kind of. Yeah. You've gotten softer with it. You've you've approached it with light suggestion.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

And then I think I don't know this is when I became sick mentally, but a kid did when I was in kindergarten. Um, we had like a grandparents' day where, and this is gonna be problematic, but it was like the Thanksgiving lunch or whatever where the grandparents came, so it was like pilgrims and Indians, we were dressed up, terrible. Cancel all what'd you dress up as? I was a pilgrim, and someone threw up on the back of my head.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

And this is when it started.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

And I think this is when I was like, that's it, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Was it a child or a grandparent? Yeah, I don't think I've ever been directly thrown up on it. Yes, you have. Well, I have my jacket, my jacket was my jacket, my poor jacket. She's retired. Good. Uh, that girl who was twerking upside down on St. Patrick's Day like three years ago that just spewed right at it. And it was honestly iconic because she just got back up and just kept on going. And I said, That's fucking vile, and I kind of love you. We made out. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Oh my god. I made out with somebody one time after throwing up and not telling them.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

You threw up.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Yeah, I was a really bad person in college. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

I've thrown up and made out with people regularly.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

And that's when I fell in love with Gumma.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

I thought you were gonna say Drew.

unknown 20:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Okay. If you know that you're about to get turned up, ew, turnt up. Ew. Oh my god. Break. I need a minute. If you know you're going hard and you're looking for something that night, keep a little pack of cum. Because you might throw up in a bush and then find the man or woman of your dreams.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

Yeah. One time I threw up that night in front of a family at a Mexican restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

One time I pooped in a yard.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Me too! What's the grossest thing you've ever done?

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Ooh, uh-oh. I don't know if I got that off the off the dome. I've probably oh, oh, I ate trash nachos, drunk weekend before a St. Patrick's Day, actually. So it would have been around this time of year. And I want to say I was out in like Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and there was somebody who was like, I'm done with these nachos. And I was like, there's so much nachos left. And I was like, guys, nachos. Oh my god. And you serve them to your friends? Well, I think I was the only one that ate them, and I got violently ill. I had like strep throat. Oh my god. Like tonsil falling out of the body. Strep throat. It was a visceral moment that really stuck with me. But I used to eat food off people's tables. This body's immunity system is impeccable because why? I don't wash my hands.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Oh my god. That's hard to. Here.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Drew is currently sick, and you know who isn't sick? Me.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Do you know who got him sick?

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Me. Do you follow the five-second rule?

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Uh no. I don't think that that is a thing.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

It's not. Yeah. I think scientifically. Me not being a doctor, I can probably confidently say no.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

I think somebody did their science fair project on that when I was in high school. Yeah. Um But yeah, no, just think about the floor. Think about like stepping on things and like then putting it into the house. You know?

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Fair. I've stepped in gross things.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I stepped on a dead bird once.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Ooh. Oh, that hurts my soul. How many animals have you killed with your car?

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Well, I don't think any.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Any? I've hit one thing, and it really tortures me to this day. I want to say it was like a big thing. You don't even know what it was? No, it was like on the highway. Drew and I were driving. Oh, I remember you talking about this. Yeah, it haunts me still.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

I'm really sorry. That would be awful.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

I feel like we were going to like a winter camp or something. It might have been like the first one that I ever went to. Yeah. So I really came in on a low. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

What was the first one you came to?

SPEAKER_02 23:07

I want to say it was in Michigan. It was like really in the middle of the woods. I remember listening to Halsey a lot. It was when Drew was dancing on the chair, which doesn't really narrow it down.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Right, no. Mike broke his finger. That was Green Hot Tub.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Green Hot Tub?

SPEAKER_01 23:19

No, that wasn't Green Hot Tub.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

No, there was like it was when um I pooped on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Yes. Okay, okay, got it. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, well, we're gonna move into your topic because I hate everything that we talked about with mine.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

It's washing hands. Where did you think it was gonna be?

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Mine is much sweeter.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Yours is much sweeter. We're gonna talk about your topic. Um, heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Oh, I'm so excited to have a platform to talk about this. Have you have like your algorithm shifted?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

No, not yet.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Let me start sending you things. It's like that's it's just all heated rivalry content. Today I saw people overlaying the Fibonacci sequence over Connor's story's ass and titties, and they're like, it's because it's perfect. It's like it's like a perfect Fibonacci sequence. Like the Fibonacci spiral or whatever it's called. It's it's proof of his perfect body.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Okay, what what did this show mean to you? Because I feel like it means so much.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

I went into this expecting little to nothing. I had to, this is stupid. I had to ask my mom for uh her HBO login so that I could watch Heather Rivalry. So I was like a month or so behind everybody, but the internet was like clamoring, and I was like, sure, okay, let's get into it. It was right after the holidays. And I expected it to just be like, I don't watch Bridgerton. I don't really like the romance and the the it feel always feels cheesy. Yeah. I don't know what this did to my brain. I think it might have been because they like kind of flipped it on its head and they put all like the the sex first and then like the love came after, that it just like did something to my brain chemistry and just the little ways that they like use their they use less dialogue and more like facial acting and like little things where it's like you have to be watching the show, like you like you can't be on your phone.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

And honestly, I didn't want to be on my phone. I know it's very strange for me.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

I've watched this three or four times now, and I am like locked in every single time when they're texting as they text through the years, like you can see like the changes in like how the text bubbles look, how like they're always facing different side, like the s it is cinema.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Talk like talking about a love story. It it I've never seen one done like this because it's like it was so honest, and there weren't any like I hate I hate in a in a romance thing where there are these like contrived conflicts just to keep the plot going forward, to keep it interesting. This was like these were real problems that people were running into, not like, oh, I misunderstood one thing you said, so then twist and words. Yeah, it was just so it unfolded so honestly.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

I've even like gotten into Jacob Tierney like interviews where he's like, Well, we had to put uh like the Scott and Kip story into this because that's technically like a separate book, and it's like they needed to put that in for like the rom-com effect of it that gets like the big crescendo in episode five, which every time I've watched it, I have cried. It's probably my favorite episode of TV ever. Episode five. It like I took notes on this. It starts, it starts with an iconic square peg round hole. I prefer to be the whole. What the fuck? I was like, insane. Then we go into the all-star game where like even just the scene where the two of them are having fun or at the bar and like kind of getting back together.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Yes, when he makes fun of him for having a stylist.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Yes, and like the slow zoom on them, even just like the the filmography of it is I didn't even know what I could feel from it. And then when they're splish-splashing around in the in the water, that is me. Me too. I am like, I become Ilya Rosenoff, and I'm convinced that that is not Ilya. That is Connor's stories playing around in the past.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

That's my favorite scene. In the I think it's I had like I was gonna ask you later about our top five scenes, that's in there for me. Him splish-plushing playing with those kids, so fucking fun.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Oh my god, it's it's perfect. It's like like you get to see more of his personality, and it's not a forced arc. It's just like, oh, he's more comfortable. He's like in his environment, he's like getting to be more himself as he's like taken away from like the structured, I have to be this perfect hockey player.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah, because I was not sold on him at first. And it is wild that once we it almost it's not this, but it felt like once we got more comfortable with each other, then I started he started to come out of his shell and I started to understand him more. Yeah. But I think he was probably funny the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

By episode six, I was like writing down like things that I liked, and it was all things that Ilya was doing. Like like him, I stumped my toe. Stump my toe. Just like his way that he's like, I refuse like Russians to nutless. Yeah, like all of these little things where it's just like he's closed off, but it's like he's so funny about it. For weeks, one of my vocal stims was give me kiss. Wait, what's your new one? Um, the whole Shane in the hospital scene. Will you come to my Ilya? I love it so much. I could I could watch it again.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

When you were saying um episode five, how it was so good, and then tying into the face acting, one of my favorite parts about the whole series is when that Scott Kip scene was happening, when Kip was running down, coming down, when they showed Ilya and Shane's faces watching it. Yeah, it the it was the looks that they were giving were so perfect. It was like they were they were like, What's gonna happen? It was like they were scared, they were like, couldn't believe it, they were anxious. I mean, that was I that was some of the best like face acting I've ever seen. I love that scene.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

Truly cinema. It's and like I can't come up with like a better word for it. Like that they deserve Emmys, they are gonna be again Emmys for that episode. You just watching their eyes dart around to be like like you can like see when they're panicked or like when they're like enticed by each other. Like the eyes just like shift at a different speed, like you can tell when they're stressed, they do like little like things with their hands, and when they like touch their feet together, like just playing like.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

No, I hate touching feet, like that was huge for them.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

But like, yeah, and just and then even the way that like they did like the they played with lighting in the beginning, how everything is like dark and moody. Oh, I didn't pick up on that. And they kind of have a duplicate of a lot of scenes that they did in the beginning at the cottage with like a light hue, because things are lighter, and they are I've gone down too many rabbit holes that like I'm just regurgitating what the internet has like dissected about this show. It is, and maybe that's how I got like so into it because it was spoon-fed to me all of the things that are so great about it, and I'm just like, Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

What's your favorite episode?

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Hands down, episode five. I think I cried twice on my fourth rewatch of it. Like, it is just so good.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

It is, and that's the one where he gets knocked out, right?

SPEAKER_02 30:52

He gets knocked out and he's on the stretcher and he's like, Tell him I'm okay. And they're like, Who, your dad, your coach? Like, and he was like, No, Ilya.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Ugh he got hit so hard.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

I've seen commentary that they're like, he would be fired. He took his eye off that puck so hard.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Have you lost a tooth?

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Only wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Okay, so like it wasn't, it was on purpose.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

It was by choice.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Well, by necessity. I would have kept them if I could.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

I thought you did keep them. Oh no, you said I kept one.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

I like have it in a frame.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

We gotta get you a necklace to put that on. Honestly, yes, I would love that. I've never lost a tooth. I've broken a tooth, I know, eating pizza one time. Pete? I was so excited I broke my tooth on my other tooth. I know.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

Okay, yeah. I loved episode five as well. And I didn't know because I would when we saw the skip, the skip, the Scott and Kip episode, I was like, we can't get better than this. That's their couple minutes. And then the phone call.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

You thought episode three was the best.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Well, well, I at first, because when we got to it, I was like show I've ever seen. Like, I love this. And then when we got to the phone call when Ilya is in Russia, I was like, We'll never get better than this.

SPEAKER_02 32:07

My God, I didn't know Russian could sound so romantic.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

It was just there were so many opportunities for them to take it in a direction that would have been so contrived and con like with Rose, when she found out she was like, I think that he might be gay. It could, if that show were made, I think here, it would have been about her feeling slighted or upset.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

The women in this show, and I think that part of it is because it was Canada made, and I kind of trust Canada a little bit more to handle gay than America. I'm a little nervous, and I think that you that like season two might be tainted. I'm nervous.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

And two, because I'm I'm worried like how with America's next top model, they're gonna keep having to heighten, heighten, heighten to the point where it's just not it's disingenuous now, and it's like not true to I love the idea of them just writing off into the sunset, and I don't want to see us force conflict onto them.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

They are going off of the books, that's true, so I feel a little safer there. I think they're doing the long game next. Have you I've never no, I haven't. No, I knew exactly where that was.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Who's your favorite character?

SPEAKER_02 33:11

It's Ilya. Yeah, it's Ilya. I mean, like his arc was the best. Also, Connor's story is just learn in Russian.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

And like, I'm not Russian, so I don't I can't really speak to it, but it sounded great to me.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

You could be right. You could be right. So he is just probably the best character in the show. Um, followed closely by Shane.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

I like, I think my favorite, my or my favorite for sure is Ilya, because just so funny, the I stub my toe.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

I stub my toe. When it's like episode two and they're in Vegas, and he had just won MVP and like he got he won the cup that year. Yeah. And he's like making Shane kind of like perform for him. And he says, Do you want to know how it feels? Holding the cup. The way that he says holding the cup is so hot and just satisfying. Yes, it's I have so many fucking when they're in the cottage and they are playing the the video game, and he Shane says, You're nothing, and he says, I'm on the cover of the fucking dude.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

Yes, yeah. It's like, yes, you are. I that was so fun for me because I was like, how fun would it be to just be able like they're just being silly boys together, doing silly boy stuff, like playing soccer and being like, I'm shocked.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Boys don't start gay.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

I was gonna say, and it's like I didn't, I was wanting to be careful saying this because like I know You can't say it. I can't know obviously it's not a choice, and there is a lot of there's a lot of hard things that go along with being gay, but like they made it look so fun to be gay.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

It is fun to be gay. Come on, why would you not be gay?

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Why would you not want this? Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

Like you get to like play soccer with your buddy, then play video games, and then just like kind of like knock one out. Yeah, perfect.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

I was like, this looks like such a fun weekend, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Yeah. What what what what's missing there? Literally nothing. Literally nothing.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

I didn't like that they make tuna melts.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Oh my god. Uh let's talk about that. The tuna melt directly into blowjob. Into a blowjob. Well, did they blowjob? They made out. But is it tuna melt like does it cancel each other out if you're both tuna? Which is an insane time to kind of do that. One because of the tuna melt, two, because you just got off of a tough conversation with your dad, and then you're like, you know what, maybe let's fuck a little.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

Yeah. Do you at what point in watching this show, what scene, what moment made you want to pursue acting?

SPEAKER_02 35:42

I don't know if there was a specific scene or like it honestly might have been like the combination of me seeing their like press tour in alignment with the actual show. Cause they are like silly goosing it up. Oh, like the press tour, nine pounds of clappable material is in my zeitgeist now. You're looking at me like you don't know what that means. Oh, it was Hudson Williams that they were talking about like how they had to get fit, and he was like, I got nine pounds of clappable material.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Talking about his butt, his ass.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

I mean, maybe he probably put on nine pounds of muscle for the show, and like he's the bottom that's getting clapped. So, like nine pounds of clappable material has been my goal for like 2026. I was like, I want that ass. You do, excuse me, but you do have that ass. I saw my ass like on video the other day because I've been doing a lot of people. Well, and I've been watching me. And yes, and um, and I was like, okay, okay, cheeked. He's cheeked up. I can't see my butt. Nobody's taking pictures from the back.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Oh my god. I well, that's why I don't bowl.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

That's why.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Because I don't want anybody to see me be a black.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

We should be bowling more.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

You should be.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

I should be putting this like be a moneymaker. I should be a bowler. You should be a bowler. I should be a caked-up bowler.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

That's your name. The bowler on all my bands.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

That's that's a very hyper-specific, like niche market. I like the but I'm sure nobody's cornered yet.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

No, I like the phrase caked up. I because I really like the word, and I never heard this until I think like maybe Evan or maybe Drew bricked up. Bricked up.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

Yeah. Cake in the back, brick in the front.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Remember when you told me what boys do it movies?

SPEAKER_02 37:27

Yes. Yeah, I stand by it.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Um, Justin and Drew and Evan one time lied to me quite convincingly, and then they ended up having to tell me it was a joke because I was like, I'm gonna work this into my stand-up. Like, this is really incredible. But you guys told me that whenever a boy goes to the movie theater, he cuts a hole in the bottom of his popcorn bucket, puts the popcorn in it, and puts puts his dick in it.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Um the way that we all like locked eyes when we clocked that you were maybe believing it. And we all just fall sitting there for probably like a did we tell you like within the day, or did we let you hold on to that?

SPEAKER_01 38:02

You let me hold on to it for a while because I asked I said Evan how much sorry, but how much butter is on your dick? And he said, Heaps.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Heaps. Well, yeah, you need to lubricate it.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

I remember being like, ew, then do you because I asked you a lot of logistical questions. And actually, I was like, do you eat the popcorn?

SPEAKER_02 38:22

Yes, I'm not a prude. In this hypothetical scenario, I'm not a prude.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Okay. I don't know how we got onto that.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Um, you were asking how I wanted to be an actor.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

When you said because you wanted to have that, you wanted to be caked up.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

I wanted to be caked up and be an actor. Um, no, but I think it was because you can see them being like silly, having fun, just being like regular people out here, and then like they shift it to such like a fine-tuned acting, like you're a different person in this show. And I've seen it time and time again with different actors, like Jennifer Lawrence. She's a character outside, and then always plays like somebody that's seemingly always like a distressed woman lately. Um, but it's like she's so good at like these little acting things that aren't just memorizing lines, but it's like, what do you do with your hands? What do you do? Like, like you're filtering through all of like the noise that's in your brain to become this other person. And I think that that's a really cool trait to have. And it's like I've always wanted to do something creative. I've done improv, I've done a little bit of stand-up. Um I've been in a play, it was a musical, but you know, I don't I think that it's it's just another avenue to kind of pursue creativity because right now I'm just fully I have no hobbies. Except for heated rivalry. Except for I like my whole personality is literally heated rivalry right now. And I think I need to take that and do something with it.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

I think you'll I liked acting classes a lot. I kind of want to take them again because I've noticed like in my character work, every character I play is the same. Like it's the same note that I just keep hitting over and over again with just a different wig on. So like I would really like to try to get outside of myself a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Right. Right. It's I like I'm I want to be challenged by something. I want to be bad. I want to be able to be bad at something to then become good at it.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

Okay, what are your top three favorite moments in the show?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

The Scott and Kip kiss, the hospital scene, when he's high. Ilya. Well, you come to my car. That one. And then the kiss in the stairwell after they first had sex. Where it was like really like kind of day, it was like their first real like cute, intimate moment. And I heard through like interviews that their intimacy intimacy coordinator was like, that was like a little too sweet. I don't know if we can like I think we need to talk about that. And Jacob Tierney, the director, was like, we need to keep that in.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Like the intimacy coordinator was worried that it was too.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

It seemed too real.

SPEAKER_01 41:06

So why wouldn't they want to keep it?

SPEAKER_02 41:07

I think I don't know if it was like scripted in that way, and they like just kissed like that. And Jacob Tierney was like, I need to keep that in there. And for that reason, I'm just like, it's like acting, like you improved that very intimate, adorable scene that like was a formative moment for these characters to fall in love. And I just think it's uh it's just so perfect. What are your favorites?

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Thanks for asking. First of all, Ilya in the pool.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Ilya in the pool. You already talked about it. A round of applause.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

Make sure not all these cheaters cheat.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Cheaters cheat.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Then an Ilya is scared that there's a wolf in the woods.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

Oh, the stupid Canadian wolf birds. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

Um, I really liked that quite it.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

It's like because he's loosened up. It's like you get to see like his full persona.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, and that bird sounded a lot like a wolf.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

It does, yeah. Loons. Um, when they get to the cottage, did you catch that? That's like a one-shot scene. Oh. As they like get out of the car into the cottage until they they make it to the couch. That's all one shot. That's so impressive. And it's more impressive because everything is windows, so you can see the cameras if they're not angled right. So that's so choreographed that like Ilya has to go in and they have to follow him and then pivot around to Shane and then follow Shane until Ilya comes in over here, and then they follow both of them to the it's it's like it's like dance. It's just choreographed. Everything is so hyper choreographed from like how they like position their legs.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

It's so sweet. And I love it so much. That's like part of the reason why I didn't watch it immediately is because I think like the sex was taking up a lot of the conversation, and I was like, I just don't want to sit on the couch and watch sex with my roommate.

SPEAKER_02 43:01

No, I honestly could care less about the sex than this. It's it's nice, it's hot, it's great. I'm here for the storyline, which sounds like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

Let's not I don't mind this.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

The the sex is But I certainly don't mind it. I don't mind it. It's pretty nice, but like the love, the romance, the passion, the like the crave that like you just feel throughout it.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Produced by Crave in a day.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Produced by Crave, subliminally. Like it was in there.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

This show did. I've like never really wanted to be in a relationship in the last couple years. This show made me want to be in a relationship. I was like, oh, I would love to find love.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

This show made me want to end it all with Drew, become back, go back in the closet and become a professional hockey player. But realistically, that's not gonna happen. I mean, you know, I wanted to be tortured. I wanted to be like, I wanted to go through the pain of coming out again. And then finding love again. But I was like, oh wait, I've already I've done this, right? I've I've come out the other end and I'm very happy. Um so I would say yes, get into a relationship, but do it in like a a sneak around way for six years before you.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

I was gonna say that was that was like a long, long I liked the time jump. I did too. I just I really hate texting people, and so like that would have been a hard relationship for me. But also it might have been nice because like they didn't really see each other that much.

SPEAKER_02 44:26

Do you think that you would have like a secret comedy relationship or like a secret work relationship?

SPEAKER_01 44:30

Well, I don't really have anybody that I work with, but it would be cool. I wouldn't say no to it, and it's a comedy relationship. Yeah, a lot of the comedians that I've met, um, no, I've had a crush on a couple of them.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Yeah, but then we just never see each other.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

Do you want to name names? Do we want to see if anything's like? Yeah, oh boy, no.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

Yeah, yeah. Um, but then yeah, I just never see them again.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

Um, so I guess it is kind of like it could be like he did rivalry.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

You know, you just gotta text them again in a year. Say, I hope you're having a nice summer.

unknown 45:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:01

I mean anything else you want to say.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

Kips gay dad.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

He's not gay, but he is he is gay dad. I loved Kips gay dad. Um, the soundtrack. Honestly, pull up my Spotify right now, and it is Heated Rivalry official playlist. Amazing. That's just like what I was listening to, just on any given day. Svetlana, a baddie, like S-tier ally, when she was like, I hope Jane knows how lucky he is.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

I loved that moment. Um, Russia seems really scary from just like an architectural and interior design perspective. I mean, it's very gothic, which I think I liked, but like I I felt very uncomfortable every time we were there.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

It has history to it. I also think that they have like Russia money. So it's like everything was more ornate. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

I can't believe we can talk about this. When Ilya says he loves him and crying, that was one of the sweetest I love you moments I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_02 46:02

Truly, it's just so it's like, why does no other show hit me like this? I don't know what it did to my brain chemistry, but it fucked me up. I'm a d like there is, I saw somebody say this. This is not original. There is BC before cottage and AC after cottage.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

I don't know. It was just really inspiring to I mean, inspiring to me to be like, yeah, I could just have a friend that like I could I could find a guy who's like a friend for me that we can just like but go be silly and then also go to Poundtown.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

Brick them up.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Yeah, brick them up and kick it up. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I it's just front to back my favorite show.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Thanks for listening to My Whole Personality. This podcast is edited and produced by me, Joanna Clark. Theme music by Rebecca Jaffe. If you like this podcast, please like, subscribe, rate it, review it, wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks for listening. Bye bye.