Animorphs

Joanna tells Evan and Clay how Animorphs was born out of a dumpster in Florida, and how glue is made from ill-tempered horses.

Follow the show on Instagram @mywholepersonalitypod
Produced and edited by Joanna Clark
Theme music by Rebecca Jaffe
Podcast art by Michelle Hong (michelleyhong.com)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I have a question. It doesn't matter, but this is not about animals at all. Isn't it crazy that they used to send, like whenever a horse would do something wrong, they'd be like, Well, we're gonna send you to the glue factory. Why did they make horses into glue?

SPEAKER_02 0:20

I wasn't asked to prepare for this question. I wasn't asked to prepare the background on glue manufacturing.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

I like this one thing, so I made it my whole thing. Now no one wants to talk to me at parties. Please listen to my spiel, because I made it my whole deal. I made it my whole personality.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yeah. Hey everyone, welcome back to my whole personality. This episode is. This is gonna be a fun one. This is with my friends Clay and Evan. I've been trying to get them to come on the podcast honestly since before I even had a podcast. And originally we were gonna talk about the polar bear king. I was gonna watch the polar bear king and then like recap it for them. But as it turns out, the polar bear king isn't streaming anywhere in this country. So I had to pivot to Animorphs, and I'm honestly so glad I did. It turned into a really fun conversation, and it it's I mean, it was kind of perfect for them because they got to talk about the things they love most. Um birds of prey. So yeah, they're my first straight men on the podcast that I've had, and it shows. It shows. But I'm excited for you all to listen to this. Um they're just some silly boys. But I I split their episode into two parts. So this first one is gonna be about anamorphs, and the next one's gonna be about Austin Powers, and I'll release them while I've already uploaded them, so they are ready to go while I'm traveling. And for everybody who's been really worried about me, because I've talked about how I know nothing about the trip that I'm about to take, I thought I left on Wednesday. Turns out my flight's on Tuesday, so I still haven't really read the itinerary in depth. But again, it's like a Smithsonian tour. Everything's planned. I don't need to know what we're gonna do, because like there's nothing I can do about it. We're just gonna be like seeing things, and I don't know what those things are, but they'll be there. But I was skimming the itinerary just to, I don't know, make sure I had some stuff packed for it, and I noticed that we are going on a canal cruise. And I was not made aware of that when we decided to book this trip. I did not know that we were gonna be going in any sort of boat situation, so now I'm a little nervous about it, and that's why I don't like to read the itinerary, because now all I can think about is getting on that canal. Um so yeah. Thank you all for listening, and um next week, stay tuned for part two where we talk about where we talk about Austin Powers. Joining me on the podcast today are two of the silliest boys I know. And I was thinking about it actually, Evan. I think you have probably been name-checked on the podcast, maybe number one next to Heather.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Yeah, I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

And it's always something really nice, um, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

For the most part. Yeah. No, I think you usually roast me. It's usually some form of roast, but with love, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

But these are my friends, Clay and Evan.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

Hello. Hello, thanks for having us on.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Of course. Um, will you guys say your names so people know who's who?

SPEAKER_03 3:43

I'm Clay. And I'm Evan.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Perfect. Thank you all for coming on. I know that um it's uncomfortable. And did you ever think that you're gonna be friends with somebody who had a podcast?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Uh yeah, I mean podcasts we've had some.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yeah, I mean I can't imagine they were good people.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

It's like all of our buddies, I feel like have, or at least a few of them have dabeled, too. Yeah. So we're we're semi-familiar, sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Okay, all right, cool. So you've you're not starstruck. But uh, I was actually, Evan, if it's okay to talk about this.

SPEAKER_04 4:15

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Um, no, because I was on the last episode, I talked about how I have I think I have a deviated septum. Mm-hmm. Um, because you and I we don't breathe through our noses.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Never.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

And then I was thinking um one of my favorite stories about you with permission. Have you heard that story when I had to pick him up from his surgery?

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah, but it's been a while. Please, if we can recap.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Yeah, I think I just I had to get nose surgery because I wasn't breathing. And uh you were kind of well, they they first asked if I wanted to like to what was the medicine or like volume or something?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Valium.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

And I was just like, no, I don't need it, it'll be fine. And then as soon as I got in there and I saw all the tools and stuff, I started to panic.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I have a stream of checks. I was like, Evan, let me know if you need me to pick you up. Um, and you're like, no, it's fine, it's fine. And then I get like, oh no, oh God.

SPEAKER_04 5:00

I should have taken the medicine.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

I'm freaking out. Yeah, and then I pick you up, and I think that they were professional. I was like, I'm expecting you to come out, clean up nothing. You come out with gauze up to your brain.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

Yeah, my whole like face was just covered in gauze, like up inside of my skull, and it was like bleeding. I was like wiping off the blood from my mouth. And I was like, oh my god, Joey, like, look at this, and you're like, absolutely not. Don't look at me. Like, I'm gonna look out of like this window. We're not gonna talk the whole way home.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

We didn't. We had to drive. I had to literally not, it was like if I was merging lanes to the right, I had to pretty much be like, Evan, tell me if I could not look at you. You got out of the car and you were like, I'm so ashamed.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Yeah, it was bad. It was like a walk of shame, like home.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

And then yeah, for the next like two months I was miserable, but you sent us though a picture immediately after of him. He was eating mashed potatoes out of a cup, walking the streets of Chicago.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Yeah, that was like my comfort food when I needed to get like immediately after. Wait, why do you have to get I don't have to get it?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

I'm just thinking I can't breathe through my nose very well. And like lately, when I've been going to sleep at night, I have to go like this to like pull my skin away from do you is that what happened to you?

SPEAKER_02 6:07

I mean, yeah, most nights, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Wait, you you hold your face like that?

SPEAKER_00 6:12

I have to hold my face, like I have to fall asleep like that, like pull my pulling my cheek away from my nose because I think something's like collapsing, and I like it's like I think I just need a breathe right strip to just open up my passageways.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Yeah, that seems like something's wrong. Yeah, because you fall asleep. How are you holding your face like that then?

SPEAKER_00 6:28

I know. Well then I I would assume I would wake up the way Evan wakes up, which is gasping for air screaming.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

With your life flashing before your eyes, grunting, yeah, night terror, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Okay, so but the thing that I'm gonna talk about is anamorphs. Are you all familiar with the animorphs series?

SPEAKER_03 6:46

I saw it, like I know what it is. I I wasn't much of a a reader of books in my youth or now, but I like I know what it is, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Okay, did you the books and the it's a show too, right? And my understanding is they're kids who morph into animals, is that correct?

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Clay, you nailed it on the head. It's about a group of kids who are given powers to morph into any animal they touch. And um why they're given that power is because there's um there's an alien that crashes to earth and he uh gives them a cube and they touch it. I'm doing a really bad job of recapping this already. But basically, then an alien has crashed to earth and he says, Listen, there's gonna be other aliens that are gonna come after me, they're not gonna be as nice. I'm gonna help you all fight them because they want to take over your world, and so he gives them the power to morph into animals.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Which I don't know that that would be a super helpful power, but so that's why they have those.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah, you'd think an alien they'd maybe have some other technology that they could provide that would be more helpful.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

So this is like episode or book one.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Oh, that's just what the yeah, the sets the stage. It sets the stage, and the evil the evil um alien that are coming to take over the world, their names are the Yerkes.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

All right. I vaguely remember that. Aren't they like little like slug things or something?

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Exactly. Yeah, they put slugs in your ear.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Yeah, I've got some vague memories of it. Yeah, some vague fears. Are you still reading the books? I mean, I'm like, I got them on the shelf.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah, there's 54 books. Uh-huh. Okay. It was written by a husband and wife team, and they came up with the idea for it while they were walking past a dumpster in Florida.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

What was the dumpster giving?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

There's probably an animal in there screaming. Slowly being yeah, changed. Um, I don't know. I don't know why. That she just said we walked past the dumpster and came up with the idea.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Wait, what where are you getting this information?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Oh, I forgot. I actually couldn't say that. Is this somebody who somebody told you one time and you Which is funny you bring that up because that does come up in the Lord of the Rings recap where I was like, I basically spew misinformation.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

So just take that with a grain of salt.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

There's gonna be plenty of that.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

So the books were published between 1996 and 2001. There are 54 books.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

96 and 2000, so five years.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah. Okay. So that's like 10 books a year.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Is it one author or is it like a team?

SPEAKER_00 9:04

It's a husband and wife team, but I think that they had ghostwriters. Okay. Moving. They did, they definitely did, because I had one, I found one on Reddit. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

A ghostwriter?

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Were they like given a bunch of secrets about the process for writing an animorph book and stuff?

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Or I think she said that the um the husband and wife, they would give the ghostwriters like what the basic bullet points and plot that they wanted to happen, and then they would take that. And then I think a lot. I think like Nora Roberts does that. You guys probably don't know who Nora Roberts is. She writes very um sexy books.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Smut. The type of books you're reading.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I read them when I was young.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Um Anamorphs and Animorphs and Nora Roberts.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah. It was very comp conflicted as a kid. So they didn't they adapted the books for a TV show that ran from '98 to '99. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

So we're talking like kind of contemporaneous with Austin Powers then.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Very much so.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

A lot of synergy there.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

A film adaption was announced in 2020.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

So it's like still on the table.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

It's still on the table.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

But the author that was involved in Anna that wrote Animorphs, um, she is not gonna be involved in the show for creative differences.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Okay. So wait, the original writer. Yeah. What about her husband?

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Oh, yeah, he's doing it. So are they having creative differences, the two of them?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

So let me ask you all this. If you and your ladies were having creative differences, would you plow on forward with a project?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Um, you can't not, right? Well, something as important as the animals, you know. I would I would guess.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

He's got to carry that torch.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Um, sorry, I thought I heard a mouse. Uh um.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Evan's got PT. Don't tell Evan about it. He's got his head on a swivel.

unknown 10:54

I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Poor Evan, for those who don't know, he was attacked by a mouse um a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

It was one made its way into my apartment, and yeah, five or six hours later we got it out.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

But you covered it in olive oil and sent it out on its way.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

Well, I almost killed it, you know, because uh I used a glue trap and I didn't realize until after it was very inhumane. So then I was trying to figure out how to help the mouse now that I trapped it, and I found out that olive oil can can free them from the glue, and and it did.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

We were just talking about this, and this none of this part came up. I didn't realize that olive oil was part of the plan.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

I hope that mouse didn't run into an open flame.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

It might have, but at least at that point, like my conscience was clear because I like set it free. Your hands were clean. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

So I don't want to get us too far off track, but now I gotta know like what's the olive oil, what does it do? Is it sticky?

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Like, how do you Well, do you know what the glue traps I'm aw yeah, I know what they're doing? So like it got stuck, and I we weren't anticipating that it would just be like screaming and like squealing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was awful. Yeah, so then I was like Chat GPT, like trying to figure out like you know, what and then it was they were like, Oh, well, that's actually the most inhumane way to like trap a mouse. And so then I was like moral dilemma at like 3:30 in the a.m. in the morning. Sure. Then I'm asking chat, like, how do you get this mouse out once it's stuck? And it said, you can try. Well, it said euthanize it, it said find a shovel. And I was like, Well, okay, I'm not doing that. So what's option uh B or C?

SPEAKER_02 12:22

And then it was coming out of the gate hot with suggestions. Uh let's try something else first. I think that's the last probably option.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

But they're like, Do you have any bricks laying around? No. Um, so then it said you can try olive oil and like pour it on it, and it can like break up the glue. But my my girlfriend had just spent like a bunch of money on some like craft olive oil, like health foods or something. That's like all we had. So I like went to her and I was like, hey, like, and she was like, it's fine. I was like, I'll pay you back or whatever. So I take it outside and this like really bougie like olive oil. I'm like dumping on top of, or I'm trying to go like around it, but I like dump it on its back and its head a little bit, and it's like freaking out. But oh my gosh. Within like 60 seconds, so it like you could see the glue was like getting loose and it was like pulling its arms and legs out, and then it got away.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Yeah, and then you like saw it scurry off.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah, like it may or may not have broken its arm. Like it kind of its arm was like in a weird position when it was stuck, but it got out and then it like it like licked itself and then it like ran across the street, and I was like, okay. Now you can sleep. You know, my conscience is like slightly clear. You did what you could. Anything after this is like not my liability. Sure. And uh yeah, and then I went to bed at 5 a.m. in the morning. I had that and that was Sunday night, and I had to be up at work at like seven the next morning, so it was terrible. Yeah, it took me a couple weeks to recover. Are you sleeping again yet? Or not not yet.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

You still wake, you wake up at night and think about him. I was I would thought I was saying, are you ripping that mask off still?

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Yeah, that and then that contributes to the night tears and all that. So yeah, you know, it's didn't help.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

So did you know to have both of his jaws broken for his sleep apnea?

SPEAKER_02 14:07

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Have you thought about that?

SPEAKER_02 14:09

I'm just paying. But now the wheels are turning and haven't said now. I'm like, is that what I'm gonna have to do?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

I don't know. Something to think about.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Uh no. I mean, do you know any of the details about that?

SPEAKER_00 14:19

No.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

You're like, consult like your doctor and they can tell you about it.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah. Ask your doctor if having both of your jaws broken is right for you.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

I mean, I might need it, it just keeps getting worse and worse. So is that good podcast content?

SPEAKER_04 14:32

That's perfect podcast content.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

One of the things that people remember most about the Animorphs books are the covers.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

That's one of the few things I never remember. It's like the phases of them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

One of my favorite parts about the covers, I'm gonna pull some up here so you can see, is then the taglines that they have on the books. I feel like were are so just like um bad.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

I don't remember the taglines. There was taglines involved. So here's this one.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

This tagline is so many yerks, so little time.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Did you read that one?

SPEAKER_00 15:08

I think I read all of them. I must not have read the last one because I did Google how it ends, and it ends really terribly.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Wait, they aren't like standalone stories, like stuff they like build off of each other over 54 novels.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah. And um, it turns out one of the kids, spoiler alert, becomes kind of like a war criminal, and they all die, I think. One of them for sure dies, and then the rest of them are in a spaceship crash.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

So your childhood was a combination of that and what's it? Nora Roberts.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Nora Roberts books. Um, because these made me laugh really hard. I used to work at um, I used to work at the ad agency that I worked at um with this guy named Jonathan. He was another copywriter, and he was one of the funniest people ever. And uh I think I was like stoned during the pandemic and found those books and those taglines. And I think I texted him and was like, can you do a dramatic reading of these? And then I've just saved it for all these years.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Hey, what's up? It's Jonathan with Go Voices here to give you a few takes for Animorphs. Take one. A mistake has been made. His name is David. B. A mistake has been made. His name is David.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Oh he has a very good like speaking voice. He does. He could do like audiobooks. Very sultry. It could be very sultry for your smut books.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Yeah, he could, yeah. That's just what I want to hear. A dear friend reading. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

I'll do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

He was he fell off a ski lift, broke his face, and now he can never go to space or scuba dive or be a pilot.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Is it like science sinus?

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, he like broke his orbital bone.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Oh my god. Oh, that's something you guys can you have in common.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

You think I broke it? Oh, not being able to breathe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

They broke mine to child.

unknown 16:53

I know.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Okay, another random fact about Animorphs, many of the names for her alien creatures were named. She just looked at street signs and jumbled the letters.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Oh, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah, interesting. Because one of the signs, there's like, I think if you if so when you morph into your animal, you can only stay in it for two hours. Otherwise, you're permanently stuck in that animal.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Oh, that's a good thing to know. I didn't realize.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah, there are some rules. And then once you're stuck in that, if you are stuck in that animal forever, you're called like a no slit.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

You really is this based on reality?

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Like this can happen in real life.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Yes, yes. This is a true story.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

This is how birds exist, is like animorphs that stayed too long. Or mice. Or mice. Hopefully not.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Yeah, my god, that could have been somebody's son. Or daughter. Okay, so part of being an animorph is you have you can turn into anything, okay? But you because these kids are at war, you have a battle morph, which is like the animal you turn in to go to battle in, and then you have a flight morph, which is the one that you can use to fly. So my question for you all is what would your battle morph be? And what would your flight morph be?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Can I ask a couple questions just for context? Okay, so like we said slugs. Are are we fighting slugs?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

The slugs go into people's ears and control them and make them do things that are bad.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

So we're fighting humans that are controlled by aliens?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yeah, I think so. And then I think there are also aliens. Like in the recap, I'm gonna read for you all. There's a there's an alien with hooves.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Yes?

SPEAKER_03 18:38

And then I guess where are the battlefields? Are they like on the ground? Oh, I don't know. Air, space, in water.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Let's assume they're on land.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

And we're battling basically their animorphs are battling humans.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

You guys are asking a lot of questions that I that I don't have the answers for. You should know the answers. Not other animals.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

You're the expert, Joey.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Right. Um wait, do you know? Like, because I like- they're battling the yerks.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Right, right, right. But I've seen like they changed into sharks, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

So something had to go on in the ocean, right? The animorphs have changed into sharks? Yeah, I think I remember like a book like of a shark.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

There's a shark, there's an octopus.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yeah, so I think something happens in the ocean.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

So at one point that it will be relevant to have a battle. Okay, then all right, what's your land battle morph?

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Oh, now you're adding on here. Okay. It's good information. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

That's helpful. Okay, could you recap?

SPEAKER_00 19:30

So a flight, a flight, a land battle, and a sea battle.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

A land battle and a sea battle. Okay. Alright, should we start with like land? Let's start with land.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Let's start with land. I don't have that because I just said orca because I wanted an easy out for half of 50% of the wars. But now I'm on draft. What's it called? When you s when you when you avoid the draft.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Oh. Draft dodger? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, respect. That's fine.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Um we don't we don't respect veterans on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

I'm thinking like, you know, apex predators. I'm thinking like a lion or a tiger. Or like a a bear.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I could see bear for you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Or like uh like a gorilla. I think a gorilla, you know, could could uh they'll rip your arms off. I'm just like exactly. Um this is like devolved into like a Joe Rogan podcast. Where we're like, what's who would win in a fight? A silverback gorilla or a grizzly bear?

SPEAKER_00 20:39

I knew this was a risk when I invited you all on.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

Just say you wanted to talk about Joe Rogan. And we we could uh we'd have hours of content. Uh I don't know, I feel like a cat. Like I want to be probably like a like a like a tiger.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

I'm locked in tiger, finally.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

I think I'm locked in Panther because they are violent and sneaky.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

Okay, so we got a couple cats. I like that no surprise. I like that. I mean, you said Apex Predator. Immediately my mind goes, can I be morphined to Indominus Rex from the Jurassic World series? Or that's a good question. Can we do dinosaurs?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Well, you have to be able to touch whatever it is, so they could like a bunch of dinosaur bone. I wonder.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Go see Sue at the There's so many bones. There you go. Yeah. Transaurus Rex? I'll allow it. Okay, great. That'll be my answer then.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Okay, Tranasaurus Rex.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Can you imagine showing up to a battle and being like, well shit.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Everyone else is like, I didn't know we could be a T-Rex. What the hell?

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Just head on over to the field museum.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Sue, real quick. That's awesome. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

But then you find out that it's actually Sue, those aren't real dinosaur bones, and it's like something else. Conspiracy. And then you turn into, I don't know what it would be, like like um ground up horse hooves.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

No way, you think you think the alternative of it being actual dinosaur bones would be ground up horse.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

I think that Sioux doesn't exist. I think that dinosaurs that never exist.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

And this is what Joe rails about all the time.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Now we're finally getting on the topic. Horse hooves.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Is this your like conspiracy theory? Like your main one?

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Dinosaurs don't exist. It's all ground up bones.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

You think they've been like planted, right? And buried in. Yeah. I mean, wouldn't they just like couldn't they just like do like a cast and just make it more?

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Well, they could, but oh yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

They want to use make it more realistic. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

In case they DNA test it and they're like, there are trace of animals in here.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

I have a question. It doesn't matter, but this is not about animals at all.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Oh guys.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Isn't it crazy that they used to send like whenever a horse would do something wrong, they'd be like, Well, we're gonna send you to the glue factory. Why did they make horses into glue?

SPEAKER_02 22:52

I wasn't asked to prepare for this question. I wasn't asked to prepare the background on glue manufacturing.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

I'm not familiar with the the lore here. What is this?

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Uh I don't know. I think they use parts of horses to make glue, or they used to. And to that, I how did you come to that?

SPEAKER_03 23:08

Do you have a fact checker in this pocket? Like I specifically don't allow that.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

No, we do not. You guys, I've turned the internet off your phones.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

Okay, alright.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Is that why my phone's gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Yeah, I was gonna say I entered a dead spot when I came into the apartment. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Okay, so you're what's your oh you said okay, it's direct.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Yeah, in domin. Well, if I can go Indominus Rex from the Jurassic World series of movies, I'll go there. But is that the bad guy or the good guy? That was the one that they like genetically modified or something like that. That was a different one. Oh I haven't seen them in a long time. We actually just watched the rebirth one though that you were raving about for a long time. That your mom said what?

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Okay. It was the best time of her life. Or she hasn't had that much fun in years.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Yeah, yeah, that was it. Yeah, yeah. So silly. And what is the what did you guys think about it?

SPEAKER_02 23:52

It was fine. It was yeah, I mean, I thought it was pretty good. Okay, I loved it. Yeah. It's it's just like a Jurassic movie. You like Jurassic Park movies? Uh no. Okay, well then you probably wouldn't like it.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

So I've already said my water, my water fighter is an orca whale.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

In why?

SPEAKER_00 24:05

You want to or do we debris faster than we all? That's okay, but they're so smart and they can be violent, which Allie and I have different opinions about. And I think it'd be cool to swim that fast. And they they open up animals and eat their livers for sport.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

So you yeah, and you and Allie do have this argument. So it sounds to me like you are now admitting that maybe orcas are the more bloodthirsty killers.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Listen, you don't need to be a spokesperson right now.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

I'm just saying, if you were one of the.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

I I I I think they're smarter. And so that's why in a battle specifically, because you do have to also factor in uh oh, I didn't tell you all this. The animal does kind of you have to fight the animal's urges when you're in the animal.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

So you so the the animal urges can take over and you lose control?

SPEAKER_00 24:56

You can. In the episode, I watched a girl turn into a cat and almost ate her friend who was a mouse.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

But that's interesting and also good to know. I was just thinking, like, am I safe choosing a tiger? I think I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Okay, so what's your old liquid one? I'm liquid.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

The liquid one. Um, I'd probably go with uh what was that big dinosaur at the end of Jurassic World that jumped up and ate the T-Rex or whatever at the end? I'd probably go with that one. A Mosasaurus? Is that what it's called?

SPEAKER_00 25:29

You're obsessed with Jurassic World.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

See, that's the thing about those movies, is like they keep becoming like more mutated, like as they like as well.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

I think that's a real one though. I think that aquatic one. At the end of Jurassic, the first Jurassic World, I think, was. Oh. Maybe I'm mixing them up, but one of them was like it was like the first one of the Jurassic World series. It's like a dinosaur? That's like, what's that one? Uh Megalodon.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Oh, I no, I did a Megalodon. You know what?

SPEAKER_04 25:56

You switched me to now you blocked it.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

I have a shirt that says Megalodon on it. I thought they were real. I mean, they were at one point. To some people.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Another conspiracy. Some people think so. You are not one of them.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

No, they still exist.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

That's what that documentary tricked me into.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

With Jason Statham, that documentary that you watch. Sharknado? Is that what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_00 26:21

It could happen. Global warming. If you believe in that sort of thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

Yeah, that's one conspiracy I do not subscribe to.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

So anyway, I'm locking it. Yeah, I'm locking it.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

I think I think I would choose a dolphin because they're also intelligent and they're very nimble, very quick. So that's yeah, that's my answer.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

I ride with the dolphins. And I'm pretty sure in a pack they can kill an orca.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Oh my god! We're fighting on the same team.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

They kill orcas. Orcas respect dolphins. Facts.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

You think I you so you just want me to respect you?

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Do you have the ability to put like a fact stamp on the like fact? That was like Evan just declaring a lot. Now I will. Me and my team will take on. Can we drop a fact sound uh sound cue in the room?

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah, we can have a sound for it. Okay, then your flight morph. Um I think that once you've seen one bird, you've seen them all, so this one's hard.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

That is not, I don't know if that's true. I'm thinking of like a pigeon versus like a bald eagle. Like there's a difference there. And I pick a pigeon. The most cunning of the bird family, the pigeon. Pigeons are what's the whole that whole conspiracy? They're like they're like uh surveillance, uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Because we made them in a lab.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

No, because she's like, wait, wait, let me get this.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

We uh who's we, by the way? Joe's got a team of scientists in the lab working on some of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

We they were they were brought to America and used as pets to send messages to people, either in war or friendship.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Like World War II.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

And then we stopped caring about them, and so now they just like run free.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

Yeah, just like all of our other veterans. They're veterans.

SPEAKER_05 28:15

You're right. You're right. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Um, I mean, well, having done just the sprung on me, having done really no research, I would probably say uh peregrine falcon.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

I thought you were gonna say a pterodactyl.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Oh my gosh, I should have said that. No, but it was the peregrine falcon, isn't that like the fastest mammal or animal on earth? It can fly at like more than 100 miles an hour, and then when it dives, it's like 200 plus miles an hour. So you're really like zipping in and out of there.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Fun fact, and this may or may not be true. I think like actual military fighter jets are like designed based on a paragraph and falcon.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

I regret so much having boys on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

We're just mansplaying more. So, Joe, do you know what uh I like that answer? That's a good answer. Yeah, I was appreciate that. I'm uh in terms of like birds of prey, like I usually rock with owls. I think owls are cool.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

And this is in the context of like battle, right? Because also, again, not having done any research or anything on this, there's a a bird called an Arctic Turn or something that lives in the Arctic and then migrates to the Antarctic during the summer. So it's that far?

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Or wait. Yeah, it's far. Okay, is that the polar opposite?

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Okay, oh yeah. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Don't explain the polls.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

Don't say pole to pole. Look, you're the one making it weird, alright? Um, no, I like that.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

But this is for battle, right? We're talking battle.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Um, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

In the context of Animal.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

Yeah, let's say battle.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

But it could also be like surveillance, right? And surveillance. Right, okay. Um yeah, I feel like eagle or like hawk comes to mind. But also albatross.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

You guys know the names of so many birds.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

Big bird guys. Yeah, no, those are the ones that can like they'll fly, like they're huge, and they also can fly for like weeks at a time. They just like don't leave the air, and they can just like sleep and like yes, in the air, yeah. They just like don't leave. They're like, I think they're in like the Galapagos Islands or something like that, or but they'll like fly across the Pacific or whatever. You got a lot of fact-checking to do after this. Fact, yeah, fact-check that. Like that would that seem interesting to just be able to like, you know, fly just for a month and just be up there. But I think in the same like thought of you know, the dolphin just being fast and nimble, I would probably do like a hawk.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Hawk lock it in.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Okay. I put down, I mean, I did this, or I could change my answer at any time, but I wrote down probably a crow.

SPEAKER_04 31:00

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Because they are smart, and maybe that then I could be again, I can't reiterate enough, I don't want to fight. So I could be more surveillant, I could be like the spy.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Crows are like real smart, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:10

They teach them to do they bring you trinkets.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Yeah.

unknown 31:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

Crow, they eat like I'm thinking like a vulture, but they also eat like gross stuff, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:19

I think they eat garbage.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

So fit in for you. They're big, yeah. That's like their main dietary source is is uh garbage. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Anything else you want to say about Animars? Then we can take a break and get into Austin Powers.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Should we hop into uh like reading the novels again? Do you think that they're still uh Can we borrow your copies?

SPEAKER_00 31:41

I found some Reddit threads that people read them as an adult and thought they were different. Like I think they're mixed reviews. I think that they were like, I didn't realize somebody said, and I'm skimming here. Somebody said like they handle death really well. So they obviously were dark, but I don't really remember them being all that dark.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

Okay. Yeah, maybe I'll pick it up.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

They're yeah, they're real quick reads. Um 54 of them.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

They better be at 54 of them.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Yeah, I already told you how it ends, so thanks for listening to my whole personality. This podcast is edited and produced by me, Joanna Clark. Theme music by Rebecca Jaffe. If you like this podcast, please like, subscribe, rate it, review it, wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_04 32:32

Bye bye.